Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize