Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I deserve this hangover.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
