ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
