Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
