Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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