Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
