Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
