I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
