Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
