Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
is that a dick in a sweater?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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