I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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