New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
