wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
