Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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