We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
