I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
