his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
