My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
