she was so not down for the gang bang
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
