I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
