i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
