I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
