Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
