yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
