I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
