My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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