the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
