none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
