he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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