He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize