i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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