tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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