I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
