how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
