the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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