Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
