i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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