I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
