is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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