do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize