just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
