And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
