I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize