So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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