You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Randomize
