Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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