It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
