Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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