You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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