my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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