it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
