I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
