This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
