he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
