I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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