he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
