im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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