ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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