When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
