Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
