So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
