You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
