im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He kissed a someone with a penis
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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