Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
