3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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