clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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