I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
