Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
