help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
